


Five Things That Never Happened to Ed Chigliak

by denynothing1



Category: Northern Exposure
Genre: 5 Things, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-10
Updated: 2008-08-10
Packaged: 2017-11-27 06:59:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/659190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/denynothing1/pseuds/denynothing1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rumors abound. Sometimes Ed sets them straight. Sometimes he can't be bothered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Things That Never Happened to Ed Chigliak

**Author's Note:**

> For emmbright.

(1)  
The "adoption" by Marty Scorcese, so widely reported, never officially happened. 

Though yes, it is true that Ed's holiday home, the Villa La Briciola, was a gift from The Signori. And of course, Ed keeps the screening room stocked with Cazilli just in case Marty might want to stop by to see the latest cut downs from Spike or Steven. But no, there was no _actual_ adoption.

 

(2)  
No, there is no Cicely tradition for flipping out eco-tourists by dressing up small furry animals as Disney characters and letting them loose in various camp sites. Where do people _get_ this stuff?

 

(3)  
No matter what the fangirls like to think, Ed and Chris Stevens never did _that_. 

Yes, it does get damn cold in a trailer sitting by a lake in the middle of nowhere following a road-closing, generator-snuffing, seven-day blizzard, but no, it never happened. Besides, thermal underwear worn for a week is a libido killer like you wouldn't believe. 

Ed and Chris google themselves occasionally and have a giggle over the stories, but Ed would prefer that you not talk to Chris about it. At least, not on the record, as Chris is a) a private citizen and b) prone to musing his way into problematic tangents. 

Nobody wants to have to go through difficult explanations for Maurice's benefit or file a defamation suit against the _Star_. Again.

 

(4)  
Not Lindsay Lohan. Christina Ricci, maybe. But never, _ever_ Lindsay Lohan.

 

(5)  
It is not true that Ed did carpentry work on Al Gore's chalet on the outskirts of Cicely in the summer of '89. It wasn't that Maurice disapproved, it was that Marilyn talked him out of it. 

Al and Marilyn have since patched up their differences over who actually noted the weakening layer of ice over the Hummer-sized pothole in the road in front of Al's place and used the observation to nail down the effects of global warming on Arrowhead County. 

(Even Marilyn Whirlwind isn't immune to the charms of the King of Sweden, and Al considers that first class ticket to Stockholm as money well spent.) 

But Marilyn has pretty strong views on following one's muse, and she was concerned that Ed might get caught up in the giddy circus that inevitably sprang up around the Carthage Colossus whenever he was in town. 

So it was Dave took who took the carpentry job, and it was Dave who learned how to make Tennessee-style sweet tea from the Tea Master himself that summer. 

Ed used the time that he otherwise would have spent on Al's new rumpus room filming raw footage for his first film, _Cicely_. Years later, once Dave started to work at the Brick, sweet tea became a best seller, Holling was pleased, Dave was popular, Al always had a place to wet his whistle when he was in town working on his next white paper, and both Ed and Al had Oscars. 

So really, it all worked out. Thanks, as usual, to Marilyn.


End file.
